Vacaciones

Las vacaciones en una pareja son siempre asunto de familia. Extrañamente, una de las cosas que como hombres debemos estar siempre vigilantes es este asuntito. En una o dos ocasiones he oido de casos donde las vacaciones las toma una pareja en forma separada. No hay aviso mas grave en un matrimonio que tomar vacaciones separadas. Con ese pensamiento en mente, y para los pocos lectores de este blog, les transcribo un artículo de Doc Love, experto en relaciones hombre mujer y el único que, hasta lo que llevo leido en el momento, tiene algo cuerdo que decirnos. Bueno, en el aspecto de la química del amor, hay que leer a Helen Fisher.

reader's question

Hi Doc,I am a happily married woman of 35 with two children. My husband and I agree on most things, except when it comes to vacations. We both get about 10 days of vacation time every six months. We usually leave the kids with his mother and go to Hawaii or the Caribbean.This spring, I want to go on vacation by myself. He thinks that it is improper for me to go alone without him. He says that he is not jealous and possessive, but I think differently. What's the big deal?Cynthia - who wants to be alone for a while


doc love's answer

Hi Cynthia,Let me start with some basics about the issue of jealousy and its twin sister, possessiveness.The top three mistakes that men make with women are:
1- Coming on too heavy too soon.
2- Never standing up and saying "no" when appropriate.
3- Being jealous and possessive.
Both men and women can be jealous and possessive, but men seem to be the worst offenders in this area. Countless guys have ruined an otherwise great relationship with their partners by being jealous. Jealous behavior lowers the woman's respect for the man and also lowers her romantic Interest Level in him. Why? Because she experiences him as being out of control, insecure and fearful. (All jealousy is based on fear: fear of loss.)

it's your fault
A strong and confident man knows and trusts that his woman is loyal and that she has high Interest in him. He does not stay in a relationship with a woman who isn't loyal and doesn't have high Interest in him. He has no fear that he will lose his woman to another man. He doesn't feel as if he has to check up on her or that he can't leave her alone for five minutes. He is protective toward his woman without being possessive. He knows that one human being can never own another human being and that "slavery is illegal."Having said that, I do not think that your husband is being jealous and possessive. What you are calling jealousy and possessiveness is actually his busting you on your low romantic Interest Level in him -- he just doesn't know it.Doc Love continues to teach Cynthia about men being jealous and possessive.

till death do you part?

You claim that you are happily married. Well, how happy are you, really? If you were in love with your husband, if he were your best friend and life partner, the man of your dreams, why wouldn't you want to be with him during your precious vacation time?Obviously, your Interest Level in him is much lower than his is in you. He wants to hike and swim and play tennis and walk on the beach at sunset with his wife. You want to go it alone. What's wrong with this picture? If your Interest Level in him is so low that you'd rather vacation by yourself than with him, perhaps you shouldn't be married to him.Now if the nationally syndicated, female love advice columnists were to answer your letter, they'd most certainly take your side in this situation. Why? Because they come from a female perspective. Their default setting is that the man is guilty until proven innocent. I, in contrast, blast either side depending on the truth of the situation.

females distort the truthIf,
let's call her "Dear Gabby" the advice columnist, were responding to your letter, she'd say that your husband is selfish, unloving and unsympathetic to your needs as a woman. She'd say that he should understand that you need a well deserved break from the pressures of marriage and kids, and that you should certainly be able to take time and space alone to renew yourself.Of course, if the situation were reversed and your husband were writing in saying that he wanted to go on vacation and leave you behind, she'd be calling him an unloving, selfish, insensitive jerk who needs to see a marriage counselor.Female love doctors have no concept of Interest Level. Would a woman with 95% Interest Level want to go alone on a trip without her husband? Of course not, but a woman with 55% Interest Level would.Remember, guys: Just because she's married to you, doesn't mean she loves you